


Airplanes

by panicparade



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, Young Veins
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post split
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 07:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicparade/pseuds/panicparade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Spencer hates airports, Ryan sleeps with a stuffed Panda and they don't need wishes anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Airplanes

**Author's Note:**

> Can we pretend that airplanes  
> In the night sky like shooting stars?  
> I could really use a wish right now  
> Wish right now  
> Wish right now
> 
> \- Airplanes, B.O.B ft. Hayley Williams and Eminem.
> 
> [Clockworkmayhem](http://clockworkmayhem.livejournal.com/) is awesome for going through this and helping me clean it up from the mess it was! :)

Spencer hates airports. He absolutely hates them. Fuckin’ airports with fuckin’ airplanes that fly in the air where there are things like storms and clouds that cause delays which make you late. And you’re stuck at the fuckin’ airport _again_. He knows there was a time when he actually liked airports, the thrill of going somewhere new, a place he’d not seen before, but try as hard as he might he can’t remember such a time now, especially when he’s stuck in his seat next to Brendon who’s almost vibrating with the need to get up and just do something. But, he can’t - not with the seatbelt sign flashing above their heads as it has been for the past 4 hours! He sighs and looks out the window, down at the airport they’ve been flying over. He presses his fingers to the glass, wanting nothing more than to be down there, on the ground, finally in the same city as Ryan after a whole month.

*****

Spencer was 16 the first time he travelled by air. It was just before the start of the summer holidays when his parents decided that they could both take work off long enough to take the kids on a vacation. To make it even more special they decided they would go visit Spencer’s dad’s Aunt Rachel, who lived all the way across the country and hadn’t seen the twins yet. Spencer was in his room doing homework, with Ryan spread out on the floor reading a magazine, when his sisters had burst in there, shouting about how they’d be sitting on a plane and actually flying. Of course they were both talking together so all Spencer could really hear were the words “Chicago” and “awesome”. He looked over at Ryan, who was staring at his sisters from the floor, seeing them upside down. He had a fond expression on his face, the same he always had whenever the twins would do something that Spencer found annoying but Ryan found oddly endearing.

“Calm down! And how many times do I need to tell you guys? Knock before you enter!” Spencer glared at his sisters, who were jumping up and down where they stood at the door, clearly excited about something.

“Crystal,” Ryan said from the floor, “how about you tell us what’s going on and Jackie can do that silent jumping thing she does?”

“I don’t do any silent jumping- ”

“Jackie! It’s my turn to speak! Shut up!”

“You shut up!” 

Spencer turned to look at Ryan, quirking his eyebrow in question. Ryan just shrugged, as much as one can when laid out on the floor, and rolled his eyes. Spencer smiled and got up from the chair, walking across the room to Ryan and helped him up from the floor, both of them walking out of the room with shouts of “-you always do this! Always!” “That’s not true! If you’d wake up early, you can get all the hot water you want, don’t blame me for that- ”following them down the hall.  

“Mom keeps saying they’re gonna stop fighting so much the more they grow up. I don’t really see that happening,” Spencer grumbled, looking up to see Ryan laughing at him.

“You’re an idiot,” Ryan said, smiling and bumping Spencer’s hip with his own.

“Yeah? Well, you’re an even bigger one.” Spencer mentally face palmed himself. W _hat was he? 4?_

“Oh, ha ha! You’ve really outdone yourself - that scathing remark made my heart cry.”

“Oh, fuck you!”

“Spencer James Smith the Fourth, watch your language, mister!”

“Sorry Mom,” Spencer said, going up to his mom and giving her a kiss on the cheek while she beckoned Ryan closer too. Some days Ryan didn’t wait for Spencer’s mom to call him, he just went up to her himself and hugged her. On those days Spencer’s mom smiled all day and Ryan had a secretly happy and accomplished look on his face. Spencer loved such days. 

“The twins were driving Spencer crazy again,” Ryan told his best friend’s, while he gestured to Spencer to get a can of Coke for him as well.

“I just prefer to be around them when they’re actually making sense.” Spence flops down in a chair, leaning back against it. He was exhausted and he wasn’t even halfway through his homework. Maybe he could beg Ryan to do half of it for him; it wasn’t hard to get Ryan to help with homework - Spencer just needed to ask really nicely and choose his bribe carefully. Ryan could be sneaky fucker when it came to getting things he wanted.

“Well, they have reason to be excited and I’m pretty sure you will be too, once we tell you. Ryan, are you staying for dinner? It’s grilled cheese night.”

“What’s going on?  Yeah, Ryan’s staying for dinner; he’s going to help me with my homework.”

“What? I never said that! Besides, whenever you say ‘help’ you kind of want me to do the whole thing for you, and that’s cheating Spence.”

“ _Ryaannnnn_ , it’s not cheating. Helping, you’re _helping_ me. It’s not my fault my teachers all decide to give us homework together, and it’s not like I want you to do all of it. I’ll do half. In fact, I’ll do all of it except Maths. That’s for you, you love numbers! It’s perfect!” Spencer exclaimed.

“I’m not doing it. Anyway, I have to get home early - there’s basketball practice at school tomorrow morning, and I need to be there in time for that,” Ryan reminded him.

“I’ll make sure to wake you up early in the morning so you can get to school on time. Please Ryan!” Spencer begged his friend, making sure to add the special sad face that Ryan could never say no to. Offcourse, his sad face was nowhere near as effective as Ryan’s but he always tried. “Please! I’ll even let you wear my sneakers to school tomorrow; I haven’t even worn them once.” Ryan turned to look at Mrs. Smith, who was leaning against the counter, smiling as she looked at the both of them. Her smile was what made Ryan decide.

“Fine. I get the shoes for tomorrow AND you’ll carry my bag on the way back home.”

“What? _Dude_. Fine, you drive a hard bargain Ross.”

Ryan stuck his tongue out at Spencer as the twins came barrelling into the kitchen, getting ready to help their mom with dinner. He stood up, dropping his now empty can into the bin and moved toward the kitchen counter. “Need any help Mrs. Smith? I can make an almost edible sandwich now!” 

Spencer watched Ryan smile, his face lighting up, showing that he was truly proud of himself for being able to do that, and that was the sad part. That Ryan didn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he had to cook himself dinner almost every day. That on days when he didn’t feel like imposing on the Smiths he made himself a sandwich (Ryan was the only person Spencer knew who could ruin a sandwich) and sometimes slept without eating, waiting ’til lunchtime at school next day to eat something. That Ryan didn’t realise that if it were up to Spencer’s mom she would have Ryan home for all three meals, everyday and make sure he never had to miss a meal ever again.

Spencer’s mom leaned forward and ruffled Ryan’s hair, placing a kiss on a cheek. “Well young man, some day you’re going to have to make sure to make some of those sandwiches for me then, okay? But, how about right now both of you go on up and relax while we set the table.”

Ryan blushed and nodded, pulling Spencer up from his chair and dragging him along. “C’mon, show me what you have to do in Maths.”

They had to wait until dinner to finally find out what had made the twins so excited, Spencer’s dad clearing his throat and turning to his wife, smiling and asking her if she wanted to tell them.

“Tell us what?” Spencer asked, drinking some water to clean his mouth. His mother had some very strict rules about talking with food in your mouth.

“You know how we were talking about maybe taking a week off from work so that we could enjoy the vacation?” his mom asked, looking at Spencer and then at the twins.

Spencer nodded. “Yeah, so..?”

“Well, we were able to co-ordinate and we’re all going to Aunt Rachel’s house next month!” his mom said with a wide smile on her face.

“Who’s Aunt Rachel?” Jackie asked, while Crystal looked as confused as her sister sounded.

“She’s Dad’s aunt. Right?” Spencer answered, looking towards his parents for confirmation.

“Yes, she’s your grandmother’s sister. You two haven’t seen her yet because she can’t travel much, so we figured that now that we have the week off we could all go and pay her a visit in Chicago,” their mother explained, smiling at her husband who was laughing at the looks of confusion on their daughters’ faces.

“Wait, so we’re going to Chicago? Really? Oh My _God!_ That’s awesome!! How will we go? Will we go in a plane? Will we fly?” Spencer had forgotten all about the meal now, leaning forward on the table as far as he can go, as if he wanted to crawl across it until his parents answered him. He’d always wanted to travel in an airplane, above the world and in the clouds. Some days, when it’s not too hot, he and Ryan would lie down on Ryan’s roof and just stare at the planes that passed above them. They’d just lie there and for once Spencer would be the one who be talking, making up stories about how one day they’d get a chance to get on a plane and go away. Away from Vegas, away from all the things that were wrong with the world. Just the two of them. And Ryan would listen. He’d close his eyes, just lying there with a smile on his face and listen, happy to let Spencer be the one spinning the tales for now, because he knew that unlike the stories he made up, the ones Spencer created almost always came true. 

“Spencer, sit down! You almost knocked Ryan into his plate,” Spencer’s mother said, while getting up to grab the ice cream from the fridge. “And yes, of course we’ll be flying to Chicago. It’d take days to go by car.”

Spencer just nodded; he didn’t trust himself to not make any embarrassing sounds, like maybe squealing or jumping up and down. He was going to get to sit in a plane. A plane! And fly! Hell yeah!

He was busy grinning madly at his sisters while his parents were talking about the trip, telling them about all the cool places they could visit, when he realised that Ryan hadn’t said anything since the whole conversation started. He turned his head slightly to look at Ryan, who was staring at his plate, his bottom lip between his teeth like he always did when he was trying to stop himself from thinking too much.  Spencer made a mental note to talk to Ryan once they’re back in his room.

Later, once Spencer was sure that his parents were asleep, he grabbed Ryan’s hand and dragged him into their backyard, jerking him around till he was flat on his back next to Spencer and they were both staring at the sky.

“Spencer!” Ryan hissed. “It’s almost midnight! I have to go early tomorrow _and_ there could be snakes here!”

“Stop whining for a minute Ry, and just enjoy the view.”

“I’m not whining! And what view, I can’t see a single thing!”

“That’s because you’re too busy looking around you. Look up!”

“Well, as far as I know, snakes don’t fly, so no, thank you very much but I’d rather keep an eye out for them,” Ryan replied haughtily, trying to get back up but Spencer’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Ryan.” Spencer said, in the firm voice he kept reserved only for his sisters and when Ryan decided he wanted to act like a prissy diva.  

Ryan sighed and Spencer could almost feel him rolling his eyes when he said, “Fine.”

“Thank you. Now relax. And shut up.”

Spencer heard Ryan fidget a little bit more, moving from side to side trying to find a comfortable position. He just continued looking up at the sky, at the few stars he could see now that most of the lights around him were off. He thought that he ought to take Ryan out to the desert one night, where it was dark all around and they’d be able to see the stars easier. Finally, Ryan stopped moving about and Spencer smiled as he felt a weight settle on his stomach and moved his hand to tangle his fingers in Ryan’s hair.

They stayed like that for almost an hour, just enjoying the silence and the comfort. Spencer cleared his throat once and untangled his hand from Ryan’s hair, grabbing his hand instead and rubbing his thumb over the smooth skin. “You know we’re going to come back right?” Spencer asked. He hoped Ryan knew that, but somehow he had to confirm it. Maybe for himself or maybe for Ryan, he didn’t know. 

“Hmmm.” Spencer’s heart dropped on hearing the answer.

“No, seriously Ry, it’s just a week. We’ll be back.” He held onto his hand even tighter, hoping Ryan would read his action even more than his words. He honestly hoped that one day he’d be able to get Ryan to overcome all his fears – not everyone was going to leave him and not everyone wanted to hurt him. Spencer wouldn’t let them.  

“Yeah, I know, just . . . you’ll be going away. For a week.”

“I’m not going away, we’re going to visit someone and then come back home.”

Ryan hummed and Spencer sighed as a plane flew above them from an unknown place to an unknown destination. Maybe carrying some people to their dreams, maybe carrying some people away.

As the lights of the plane twinkled above them, Ryan brought his hand, the one entwined with Spencer’s, up to his mouth and brushed his lips across Spencer’s knuckles, almost whispering his words into Spencer’s skin. “Hey Spencer,” he whispered. “Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?”

Spencer closed his eyes and brought his other hand to Ryan’s hair, brushing it back from his face and tangling it even more.

“What do you want to wish for?”

He could feel Ryan shrug and turn his head so that he was facing Spencer’s face now. Spencer opened his eyes to see Ryan staring at him, biting on his lower lip as he thought carefully about what Spencer asked.

“I think, ummm, I mean  . . . .” Spencer watched Ryan trail off, focusing on Spencer’s chest, and he could tell that Ryan was trying to stop himself from over-thinking. He was brilliant, but sometimes that’s what brought him down, too.

“Hey,” Spencer said, using the hand in Ryan’s hair to tilt his head a little so that he was looking at Spencer again, “tell me?”

“I wish that we always stay this way. No matter how many planes you catch.”

“You’ll be coming with me the next time. When we leave Vegas.” And though Spencer knew it might sound impossible right now, hushed whispers spoken in the backyard at midnight, he believed in it because he wanted Ryan to believe in it.

“Okay.” And that’s it. Ryan knew Spencer didn’t make false promises or just say something like that without not meaning it. Spencer didn’t know how to react to the warm feeling spreading in him when he realised this.

After some time Ryan asked, “Do you want to wish for anything?”

Spencer thought about it. In a way he was quite happy with his life. He had great friends, moderately cool parents and maybe he would have preferred it if his sisters didn’t fight that much, but he loved them, too.

“I wish that I can always keep all the promises I make.” He felt stupid after saying that. It was the sort of thing that those lame guys in those soap operas that his mom always watched would say.

“You always do, Spence. You can wish for something else.”

“I dunno then. I kind of don’t need anything else. Oh wait! Yeah, I wish you could go on the trip with us!”

“Spence, you know I can’t leave my dad for a week. Plus, it’s a family thing, just you guys.” 

Spencer stayed silent. He knew that just repeating what he said every time wouldn’t matter. “I know what I want to wish for.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I wish you’d believe that you’re always part of my family, even if it’s just the two of us.” He waited for Ryan’s refusal, for him to snort and say something snarky like he always did when he was put on the spot. Instead he felt Ryan lift his head from its place on Spencer’s chest and he opened his eyes once again to see Ryan’s face right above his, and he was really near now. Spencer could feel his breath ghosting over his lips and before he knew it, he was lifting his head a little and Ryan was bending down slightly.

It was short, nothing much of a kiss. Ryan pecked his lips once and Spencer smiled up at him. They stayed like that ’till Spencer’s neck started to hurt and he had to lean back.

“C’mon,” Ryan said, getting up and holding out his hand for Spencer to grab, “I really need to sleep - I can’t be late tomorrow.”

“God, you’re so weird. It’s just basketball.” Spencer brushed the grass off his pyjamas and started walking inside. He knew he’d have to be careful while closing the door that led outside - it creaked a little, and he really didn’t want his parents to wake up right now.

“Yeah, well, you still love me.” Ryan turned and stuck his tongue out at Spencer.

Spencer looked up to see Ryan standing at the door, smiling his Spencer-smile at him. His hair was shining in the moonlight, and he was holding his hand out for Spencer, who said softly to himself, not sure if he could actually say it out loud yet:

“Yeah, I do.”

*******

He can’t get off the plane fast enough, almost pushing other people out of his way and running down the ramp. Only Zack’s hand on his shoulder stops him, making him wait and he’s never been more irritated with Zack then now, even though he knows Zack is only doing his job. 

“Spencer, relax. Just a few minutes more and then you can meet him.”

He just hums, doubting that Ryan will still be here, waiting for him. 5 hours is a long time, and he knows Ryan himself has just flown in from L.A. this morning, and no matter how long he sleeps on the plane, flying wears him out. It’s a stupid tradition, if he can even call it that, but ever since the split, with each day apart seeming like a year to them, whenever Spencer would be done with tour or recording or whatever they were doing and would be on his way back home, Ryan would be there at the airport. Always. Even if he had to specially fly in from wherever he was and could only spend a few hours together. Spencer had told him he was an idiot to always do that, but Ryan can be a really stubborn asshole when he wants to be, remembering the week of no sex very well.

And Spencer might not say out loud, but each time he steps into an airport lounge and sees Ryan there, even though he thinks it’s impossible, he falls a lit bit more in love with him.

He grabs his bags and waits ’till Brendon and the guys get there, hugging them and waving as he moves in the direction of the lounge, Brendon behind him. Ever since they started touring for Vices & Virtues, they rarely get time to see Jon anymore, and Brendon gets to meet Ryan only at the airports. But, this time they have a long break - almost two weeks - and Jon will be flying in the day after. As awesome as Ian and Dallon are, Spencer waits for the moments when it’s just the four of them again. Some friendships are just worth more than bands and labels.

Spencer steps into the lounge, adjusting the strap on his carry-on bag, and lets his eyes roam over the room. He sighs. Of course he’s already expecting it, but this is the first time in two years that Ryan isn’t here. He is disappointed, and then feels selfish. He is 5 hours late; why would he even want to make Ryan wait for that long? Besides, he doesn’t know if he should waste time being hurt and annoyed - once in two years isn’t worth bitching over, especially seeing that Ryan goes out of his way just to make Spencer smile.

He notices Brendon move past him towards the vending machines at the other end and he can sympathise with him. After hours on the plane he sure as hell needs some sugar too.

As he’s pulling out his phone to call Ryan to ask if he ordered food or if he needs to pick up some Chinese on his way home (he liked how that sounded. Home. With Ryan. Theirs.), he realises Brendon is standing still in the middle of the room, between two rows of seats, staring down at something with a fond expression on his face, the kind he has when Bogart does something cute.

Spencer moves across the room, switching on his phone. “Christ, of course it runs out of battery,” he mutters, shaking his head as Brendon calls out from where he’s standing.

“Hey Spencer, I think this belongs to you.”

Spencer looks up to see Brendon smiling at him and quirks an eyebrow, moving towards where his friend is standing, pushing his phone back into his pocket.

“What are yo-....” Spencer stops. He doesn’t think he can say anything even if he wanted to because his throat feels like it’s choked up, and he just shakes his head and stares down at the sight in front of him.

Ryan’s there, curled up in 2 chairs, with one hand tucked under his head and the other clutching an ugly black stuffed panda. He’s thrown his jacket (the ugly leather one that Spencer wants to burn) over himself and he’s huddled under it, which is when Spencer realises exactly how cold the room is. His hair is longer than Spencer remembers.He’d seen him last a month ago and it feels like _years._ Spencer just wants to hold him again, remember what he smells like, how red his lips look after they’ve had one of their lazy make out sessions on the couch, or in _their_ kitchen, how Ryan loves to curl himself into Spencer’s space like there’s nowhere else he fits so well. Spencer wants to do and say so much right now, but he can’t stop staring.

Brendon chuckles and runs his hand through Ryan’s hair once, straightens up and hugs Spencer, telling him he’ll be by their house tomorrow, once they’ve all slept for at least 20 hours, but Spencer knows Brendon will be there at 10, barging into the house with Bogart ignoring Spencer’s warnings to keep quiet ’cause Ryan’s sleeping. They’ll then spend the day being lazy, lying around the pool with Brendon trying to splash them and Ryan just flipping him off and smiling indulgently. Then, when Brendon would least expect it, Ryan will jump on him, pushing him under water and will be out of the pool again before Brendon even realises what happened. And Spencer will be left to be content with trying his best not to drag Ryan inside the house because the sight of him lying there in just his swim trunks with his sharp hip bones clearly jutting out and glistening with water is only so much he can take. 

Once Brendon’s gone, which amazingly didn’t wake Ryan up, Spencer thinks, he must really be out of it; Spencer drops down to his knees, his face in front of Ryan’s and leans forward to kiss him. He keeps himself from moaning out loud - he is in the airport after all - but it’s a pure test of endurance because it’s been a month and finally he’s here and Ryan waited at the airport for 5 hours for Spencer. It’s only when Spencer presses more firmly on Ryan’s lips and licks at them lightly that he feels Ryan beginning to wake up, his mouth opening a little, some by surprise, but mostly out of habit.

Spencer pulls back, smiling at the expression on Ryan’s face. He just sits back on the floor and waits for Ryan’s brain to catch up, chuckling at the confused expression on his face, and how he opens his eyes slowly, once, twice, scrunching up his nose at the bright light.

“Mmpfgh,” Ryan mumbles, stretching and turning over like he would do on the bed, wanting to go back to sleep as soon as he woke up. The fact that Ryan isn’t the smartest of people in his sleep-deprived state is highlighted when he rolls over completely, wanting to lie on his front but forgetting the fact that he was sleeping in an airport lounge.

As Spencer watches, Ryan flails about for a minute at the edge of the seat and then flops down on the ground, landing on his back with a loud “Ooof!”, his head landing in Spencer’s lap. Ryan opens his eyes slowly, bringing his hand up to rub at his face. When he opens them completely and looks up, hazel eyes met blue, brighter than any colour of blue he’s ever seen, and that which video calls only made him miss more. Spencer smiles, a little worried about whether Ryan has hurt himself; all those jutting bones and sharp angles make him an easy victim to scrapes and bruises.

“Hi,” Spencer smiles warmly. 

“Whut?... Spencer? ...Shit! Spencer!” Ryan scrambles up and wraps himself around Spencer, placing himself on his lap. Ryan buries his face in Spencer’s neck, breathing in his smell and rubbing his nose there, all the while repeating _Spencer_ against his skin, like if he stops saying it, Spencer will vanish. Spencer just holds on tightly, rubbing one hand on Ryan’s back, the other threading itself through his hair. He nuzzles his nose against Ryan’s hair, breathing in his scent, so uniquely Ryan it is overwhelming.

Spencer doesn’t know how long they stay like that, just holding onto each other, but when he feels Ryan shaking slightly and something wet at his neck, he pulls himself back a little, looking down at the tears in Ryan’s eyes.

“Hey. Hey Ry.” Spencer wipes the tears with his thumb, just rubbing it back it and forth on his cheek.

“I’m sorry, just . . .” Ryan sniffles, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand and looking up at Spencer. “A month Spence, a month! Too long . . .” he mumbles into Spencer’s neck, pressing his face back there again.

“I know Ry.” Spencer presses a kiss to the top of Ryan’s head, inhaling the, now dull, smell of mango shampoo that Ryan’s so fond of using. Ryan kisses his neck and leans back against the seats, not moving from Spencer’s lap. 

“So, mind telling me what made you buy that hideous stuffed thing?” Spencer asks, pointing towards the panda that had fallen down next to him.

“Oh. Yeah, I was bored. I’d been waiting for an hour,” Ryan yawns, “and they said it might take some more time, disturbances on the runway or something, so I was wandering around and this lady in the gift shop saw me looking at it and said I should buy it. She practically forced me!”

“Uh-huh, I’m sure.” Spencer smirks.

“What? No, seriously, she did! And she was old and scary and I couldn’t say no,” Ryan says, flapping his arms about, which is clearly meant to indicate how scary that lady was, but only makes him look like a headless chicken.  

“Yeah, sure. If you have a sudden thing for ugly stuffed animals I have no problems at all, but I’m gonna put my foot down if you bring it to bed with you.”

Ryan sticks his tongue out at Spencer. “Nah. I already have one animal in bed with me, I don’t think I need another, stuffed or otherwise.”

“You know it.” Spencer pulls Ryan to him and nibbles on his ear, growling low in his chest, his hands holding onto Ryan’s. He knows it isn’t really a smart thing to do, sitting here in the middle of the airport lounge with Ryan straddling him, but he needs to touch, to reassure himself. And it’s not like Ryan is any better. He’s holding onto Spencer like he will never let go, ever again. (Which, for the record, Spencer has no problems with.)

Spencer lays his head on Ryan’s shoulder and just breathed, rubbing his hand behind the other man’s neck. A few minutes later, he feels Ryan relax against him and he smiles. At least, until he hears Ryan’s soft snoring in his ear and jerks back, bringing Ryan up to face him.

“Ross, hey. Wake up. Come on, let’s grab something to eat and go home,” Spencer says, rubbing his thumb along Ryan’s jaw, making sure he keeps his eyes open, knowing very well what Ryan is like when he is sleepy.

“Mhmm, Spencer, sleep now. Please. I’ve been sitting here for hours,” Ryan whines, trying to lean back into Spencer again, and as much as Spencer thinks Ryan looks adorable like that, he is exhausted himself, and he can’t support Ryan _and_ carry all his bags to the car.

“Ry, come on, just a few more minutes. Walk with me to the car and then you can sleep. I’ll only wake you up when we reach home,” Spencer promises, standing up and pulling Ryan with him. He grabs his bags and hands Ryan his jacket and the panda.

Ryan stretches, his shirt riding up and a pale sliver of skin showing. Spencer licked his lips, thinking that maybe they can skip dinner - who needs food?  Ryan scrubs a hand across his face, yawning, “What time is it? Fuck, where’s my phone?” He checks all his pockets, frowning until he finally finds it in his jacket. He fumbles a little with the phone and his jacket and the panda, until Spencer takes pity on him and grabs the panda. Ryan smiles and pecks Spencer’s lips before turning back to his phone. He ignores the numerous texts and calls from Z and Alex. He knows they’re only going to bitch about him leaving them in L.A. and Spencer gets a very pinched expression on his face if he talks about Alex too much. It would be adorable if Spencer doesn’t get so prissy about it later.

As they wait for a loud family to go through the gates before them and Ryan is busy typing on his phone, Spencer looks down at the panda in his hands. It really is ugly, but up close Spencer can see it is because it looks like half of the toy has been chewed off at one point and then someone had tried to sew it back together using all the different fabrics they could use. It looks like something Ryan would make, if he was into making and keeping the whole stuffed animals thing. Except, Spencer knows Ryan doesn’t ever buy or make stuffed toys. All the ones he has (and it’s a disturbingly adequate amount) are ones that were a gift from someone. Come to think of it, he’s pretty sure he gave Ryan a stuffed animal way back when, before he went on that vacation with his family to Chicago so that Ryan could cuddle with something to help him sleep ’cause Spencer wasn’t there. He doesn’t really know what happened to it; he forgot all about it and Ryan never mentioned it again.

He’s turning the animal in his hands when something on the left hand - paw? Panda limb? - catches his eye. There’s something written there with black marker. It’s a little faded, so Spencer moves a little towards the lounge for better light and then he sees it.

_“Ryan - he’ll help you sleep when I’m not there. I’ll be back soon! Spencer.”_

Well, shit.

Ryan kept it. It’s been 9 years and he still has it and it’s obviously been through a lot, but Ryan tried to sew it together. It’s without a doubt one of the most hideous things he’s ever seen, but Ryan kept it. Spencer looks up, his eyes suddenly a little hazy, to see Ryan still standing near the gate talking on his phone (to Alex maybe, and he doesn’t feel anything at that thought, because _Ryan kept it_!), scowling at the family with the crying child. He moves towards Ryan, turns around and pulls him towards him to kiss him fiercely right in front of the airport gate and families filled with wailing children and people with camera phones, because right now, at this moment, he doesn’t care at all what people think, all he wants to do is to kiss the man he loves, even if he is 26 year old who sleeps with a stuffed panda. 

When he finally lets go and moves back, Ryan’s just standing there, his mouth red and eyes wide open and Spencer almost leans back in, but stops himself when he realises that people around them are staring.

“C’mon, let’s go,” Spencer smiles, walking out the gate. He looks back to see Ryan following him, still looking a little confused and a blush creeping up his face because of all the people still looking. He speeds up a little and catches up to Spencer,

“What was that for?! Not that it was awesome - fuck, it was amazing, you should totally do that more often - I’m just saying. . . ”

Spencer smirks, grabbing the keys from Ryan and opening the trunk to put his bags in, keeping the panda in his hand. He moves towards the driver’s seat, there’s no way he’s going to get Ryan to drive – sleepy-Ryan is even slower than awake-Ryan and he didn’t even think that was possible - while Ryan puts the other bag in the trunk. As he starts the car, he hands Ryan the panda and out of the corner of his eyes watches him as he carefully arranges it in his lap. Spencer’s full on smiling now, and he can’t help it.

“I can get you a new one, you know?”

He looks to his right when he hears Ryan choke on his own voice a little, eyes wide as he looks horrified. “I, uh, what? New one? This is new! I told you, I just bought it Spencer! And uh, I don’t want another one. This is fine.”

“Ry. Seriously? Scary old lady? Best you could come up with?” Spencer doesn’t start the car yet, he’s too busy looking at Ryan’s panic-stricken face as he tries to think of something.

“Dude. What are you talking about?” Ryan splutters, and it’s so much fun to see him like this. As Spencer keeps staring he can see Ryan deflate a little, clearly unable to come up with something.

“He helps me sleep, okay? Ever since that week, when I can’t sleep, it helps to have him there. And he wasn’t always this bad, but Hobo got to him when she was still teething and I had to wrestle with her to get him back, and I tried my best. Except do you know how hard it is to sew a stuffed panda? I pricked myself about a hundred times, and yeah, maybe he does look a little, ummm, not so panda-ish,” Spencer snorts. That’s a polite way of saying it, “but he’s mine, and no, I don’t want another one, thank you very much.” By now Ryan’s clutching the panda tightly, like Spencer’s going to pull it out of his hands and throw it out of the window. As if. He’s pretty sure Ryan knows about the box filled with napkins from restaurants all around the world that are covered in Ryan’s writing, which Spencer makes a habit of picking up before they leave. He would have never known had he not opened the box one day to find all the napkins neatly ordered according to the country they were from _, alphabetically_.

“Yeah, no, I’m sure he was a handsome panda once upon a time. I’m just saying.” Spencer smiles, reaching a hand out and ruffling Ryan’s hair, before sliding it down to hold it against his cheek, rubbing his thumb along Ryan’s jaw. Ryan turns his head a little and places a kiss on Spencer’s palm. 

“No. He’s not going anywhere. Now, just drive, I’m sleepy.”

“I always forget how bossy you are.” Spencer mumbles and turns to see Ryan sticking his tongue out at him.

As Spencer pulls the car out of the parking lot, he sees Ryan looking up out the window at the planes flying overhead and smiles, remembering wet grass and midnight wishes. “Do you wanna wish for something?”

Ryan turns towards him, leaning forward to place a quick kiss on his lips. “Nah. I think I’m good.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I've spent a week procrastinating and debating whether I really want to put this up, till I finally decided to do it when I'm sleep deprived 'cause chances are I won't remember it tomorrow. :D


End file.
